On Lying to Your Kids
Now that Christmas is over, those of you with young kids might be looking for a new white lie to get them to clean up their stuff… the threat of calling Santa and telling him not to bring any Christmas presents will likely be less effective this time of year.
How many parents have used this little gem?
Fibbing Parents… You’re Not Alone
According to the BBC, most parents lie to their children as a way to get them to change their behaviour. This was based on research of 200 families in the US and China. They used the example of telling a child they would leave them if they continued with the temper tantrum they were having out in public, or telling the child they had made a beautiful piece of art. 98% of Chinese parents and 84% of US parents admitted telling at least one of 16 common lies to their children. So don’t worry, you’re not alone.
Parents lying to their kids is pretty ironic if you think about it, as we simultaneous tell children that lying is wrong. (If you’re bored, here is a list of 287 funny white lies. Just to warn you, they are very funny. I’ve included my favourites throughout the post.)
Dad joke AND little white lie. I like to think this was intended solely for this Dad’s enjoyment.
Childhood White Lies Are Just Harmless Fun… Right?
Well, parents. You might want to take note of recent research that shows that lying to your kids could have more serious consequences than you might think, and could actually make things worse for you in the end.
A new study by Setoh et al (2020) in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology found that childhood experience of parents’ lying is directly related to the same children lying to their parents in adulthood… and other psychological issues.
The team ran a study with 379 Singaporean adults, testing their exposure to lying during childhood in four categories of lies: lies about food, lies about leaving or staying, lies about misbehaving and lies about money. They also asked about how often they deceived their parents as adults in three categories (activities, actions and details of relationships or friendships, “prosocial lies” in which they had lied to benefit others, and exaggerating about events). Finally, they asked questions about their psychological adjustment (i.e. questions on thought, attention, aggression, rule-breaking and the Levenson self-report psychopathy test).
If only this were true.
Early Exposure to Lying Makes It Seem Morally Acceptable
The results showed that people who perceived being exposed to greater amounts of lies in their childhood were more likely to deceive their parents in adulthood – suggesting that exposure made lying seem more morally acceptable. It also suggests that these adults trusted their parents less and felt less obligated to tell the truth. The authors also found a relationship between being lied to as a child and ‘psychosocial maladjustment’ – including things like externalizing aggression.
Some limitations of the research – they were asking people to remember back to their childhood, which may cause problems for the accuracy of the reporting.
Maybe Kids Understand More Than We Think
It might be worth it to take the time to tell the truth to kids (in a kind an empathetic way). Build that trust and help them understand. Their piano playing might not be amazing now, but if they keep practicing (like they were when you originally told them it sounded beautiful), it will be.
On the flip side, some of these parental lies are comedy gold.
Winner.
Well done, parents! Well done.
Love,
